Stamina - How to Run Your Race When You Don't Feel Like It

One of the most difficult things about enduring a strenuous workout (whether it is martial arts, running a marathon or swimming etc) isn't motivation but rather maintaining the stamina to train the fully allotted time.  It’s easy to run, bike or train up until the point it becomes painful and/or exhausting.  We are quick to think that if it “hurts” we should stop.  Obviously if you are experiencing unusual pain you should stop.  Frequently however, we use pain and exhaustion as an excuse to stop which in turn means we end up not meeting our goals.

There are times when we have to push through the pain, exhaustion and fatigue for the price that is on the other side.  I used to train in martial arts and often the reward of pushing through a session was simply a higher tolerance to the pain and fatigue.  It's necessary for staying in shape and being able to train or fight longer than I did previously.  We only get stronger and develop our stamina when we can push through the pain and fatigue of a given situation and refuse to give up.  This is often referred to as “mental toughness.”

"I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got. No sloppy living for me! I'm staying alert and in top condition. I'm not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself." I Cor 9:27 Message

"But [like a boxer] I buffet my body [handle it roughly, discipline it by hardships] and subdue it, for fear that after proclaiming to others the Gospel and things pertaining to it, I myself should become unfit [not stand the test, be unapproved and rejected as a counterfeit]. I Cor 9:27 -Amplified

No matter what God has called you to do, whether it be big or small, we will all face times in our walk with God when we feel like we cannot go on.  When we feel like we cannot possibly take one more step, say one more prayer, make it to church one more time or read one more bible verse.  However, it is exactly at those points when we must, when we have NO OTHER CHOICE but to overcome the fatigue, discouragement and hopelessness we face.

Do you realize your race is not about you?  Do you know how many more people (those you can see but mostly those whom you cannot) are depending on your mental toughness to help them push through?  When others see you keeping your faith and running your race despite setback, obstacles and other things you face, this encourages them to keep going and fighting!

When I am training and I am so exhausted all I want to do is quit, nothing is more annoying than to look over at my training partner and see them still giving it their all.  Not only is it annoying but it is also motivating.  I don’t want to quit on my training partner because he is depending on me to finish our session together.  If I quit on him, who is to say he won’t quit on me next time?  If that happens how could I possibly blame him?

The most powerful tool you will ever have to influence others is your own example. Therefore, no matter what you are going through right now, don’t give in and don’t give up.  There is a place in your heart/spirit that Jesus watches over.  Tap into this place and refuse to give up.  Refuse to say “I quit.”  Tap into that mental toughness that is Christ Jesus and the Holy Ghost.  I know you think you can’t.  I have been there. God has your back.  Every moment you think you can’t he says “yes, but WE can!”  If you want God to take you to that next level in your life, career or in your relationships you have to get tough, mentally and spiritually.  Don’t let the enemy or well meaning people steal what you have worked so hard to obtain!!

“But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.  For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near.  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day…” I Tim 4:5-7

Sometimes it is as basic as saying “I am tired, exhausted, discouraged, beat up and I want to give up.  Nevertheless, Lord be with me and give me strength though I feel like I don't have one ounce to give.  Grant me perseverance even though I feel like as though I have none.  Give me encouragement even though my tank is empty.  Lord only you and I can do this together.  Please don’t leave me but help me press on!”

I am not saying it is easy, it is not.  It never is.  You just need to try and set an alarm in your mind that goes off when you are about to give up so you can recognize the moment and then refuse to give in!  I know you can do it, because I know the God that lives inside of you.  He lives inside of me too.  Now, let’s go do this! 

Conviction

From Merriam-Websters: 

Conviction: the act or process of finding a person guilty of a crime especially in a court of law; or a strong persuasion or belief.

For the purposes of this blog we are referring to the latter and not the former.

Conviction (or having convictions) can be a funny thing at times.  By funny of course I mean aggravating.  Then again if it was easy it wouldn't require conviction.  This is especially true when the people we care about either a) don't have the same convictions b) think a particular conviction should only apply in certain circumstances, especially when convenient for them and inconvenient for you (which of course is kind of the opposite of conviction) and/or c) think you are insane for standing by your convictions.

We all have convictions about something.  Thankfully many of these such as murder are shared by the vast majority of us.  Some of these convictions come from our personal spiritual beliefs, some from our parental upbringing and yet others simply from learning certain lessons the hard way.  [Funny side note is that sometimes a lack of conviction is from never learning that lesson despite the hard consequences that are handed out.] Truth be told there are probably a number of different sources for our convictions.  Basically I am referring to a persons own "moral code" if you will.

Those who know me well understand I have no problem (with rare exceptions) in sticking to my convictions; they also know I usually don't have any problem talking about them either.  The source of my convictions comes generally from the three areas I mentioned above (parental, spiritual and personal experience.)  My convictions have served me well my 37 years on this planet and I am not ashamed of them.  In part they have helped me achieve the success I have had both personally and professionally.  Without them I most certainly would be living a below average life right now.

To be fair (and to be honest) my convictions have cost me certain relationships with family members, close friends and girlfriends (of the ex variety).  While many of those moments were indeed sad they were also necessary breaking points in my life.  Either I would stand firm for what I believed was right (thus staying true to myself) or I wouldn't; instead allowing unsafe people (yes even family members) to have influence over my life in subtle and not so subtle ways.  Especially as a younger man I didn't always handle the communication of my feelings or beliefs in the proper manner.  Outside of that I have no regrets and will not have any going forward either.

You can read about one of my convictions in the blog entitled "Nick Offerman is Satan" I don't expect everyone (or even the majority) of people to agree with my convictions.  Truthfully I couldn't care less.  Many people, including friends whose opinions I respect a great deal (and others I don't) thought I took a relatively hard stance regarding Mr. Offerman.  Good for them.  However, I am the only person who has to live with myself 24/7 until I die (apologies to my wonderful wife who mercifully gets at least 5 days a week of not having to live with me for 8 - 12 hour increments) and I have a strong desire to stay true to myself.  No apologies.

Hopefully dear reader you understand I am not referring to a conviction that I can ONLY eat hamburgers on Thursdays and Saturdays or that under no circumstances do I leave the house before a certain time on Mondays and Wednesdays.  I am talking about things that have a certain degree of substance or has its DNA rooted at least in part on a certain moral code society in general has about things.  Drug use for instance is a GREAT example!

Look I don't have a problem if you want to use drugs (just ask my neighbors) but you better believe I will do my best to keep your drug use from having an influence on my life.  You can talk about your drug use around me if you want.  Having never used illegal drugs I won't have a great amount of input into the conversation but I will listen.  Just don't bring that shit around me, my family or my hypothetical future children.  If you want my opinion on your drug use I will give it but not unsolicited.  It is true I did fall madly in love (mostly by accident) with a woman who used drugs (i.e. lied about it very well) and that "relationship" nearly destroyed me.  You can't ever save a person who doesn't want or need to be saved but that didn't stop me from trying.

One of the more nebulous convictions I have is not wanting to be around people who are either a) ungrateful or b) take advantage of my kindness/generosity.  The longer I am on this earth the more I am learning people don't place value on being polite and showing gratitude towards others.  Certainly not as much as I do but I digress.  I don't engage in acts of kindness for the thank you's and certainly not because I feel I am earning some kind of "credit" for doing so.  Despite what some people think I really enjoy being kind and generous to people.  My closest friends know this about me.  However, I do expect a thank you or some show of gratitude.  It's called being polite.  Failure to do so is just flat out disrespectful.  Even worse when a person realizes (or are duly notified) they failed to say "thank you" or show gratitude and still decide not to bother.

Don't get me wrong.  It's not as if failure to say "thank you" one time is going to get you cast into utter darkness (cause that is what it is like if you aren't my friend, obviously!).  However, a pattern of not saying thank you and/or not acknowledging that I spent a significant amount of money to have you come to...hmmm...say...to a family function (hypothetically of course) is going to be a problem. A substantial one.  Fool me once shame on you.  Fool me twice shame on me.

What I irritates me is being asked to compromise these convictions simply because others don't share them.  Forgive me for not wanting to be around someone who uses drugs, takes advantage of me and/or might murder me.  Yes I said murder me.  The point is most people would agree it isn't the best idea to be around someone who might kill them.  However, as we get further away from that example many people have vastly different opinions on what they will and will not allow in their life.  For me drug users is included in that list.  We might still be friends but there will always be a certain distance that I will choose to keep you at.  If you happen to be a murderer as well then you can pretty much be assured we won't be going fishing anytime soon.

Hey, you want to hang out with people who might do you bodily harm, cook up some meth and then drive off with your car (and of course not say thank you!) then go right ahead.  More power to you!  I celebrate you for standing by your convictions (or lack thereof if you prefer).  However, I refuse to put myself or my family at risk (great or small) simply because someone is going to be offended or think I hate them.

Will standing by my convictions cost me future relationships?  No doubt.  Some of them will probably even be significant and close.  However, I counted the costs of my convictions a long time ago and am willing to lose unhealthy and unproductive relationships for healthy, productive and beneficial ones in the future.  I am not writing off these relationships forever; please understand that.  There have even been friends/family that came back online later after each of us learned to grow up a bit and have an adult conversation about things that occurred or happened in the past.  Yet I won't suffer ongoing abuse, risk my safety and well being "hoping" someone gets their shit together.

It's not going to happen and I won't apologize for it.  Let's end by using something Christ said in the gospels (and yes some of my convictions come from a man who wasn't afraid to put people in their place) even if to a certain degree it is taken out of context.

“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn

“‘a man against his father,
    a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
³⁶     a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’

“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10:34-37)

And since everyone just LOVES Tommy Jeff...

Jack the Melancholy Octopus Part II

This is Part II...please see Part I from April...

As Jack approached the field he attempted to muster up some fake happiness and give his parents a friendly, warm, and confident smile and wave. He was unable to tell if he had succeeded, he certainly didn't feel confident nor all that friendly. In his heart, he had no joy. He hated this moment and just wanted it to be over so he could go home and forget he ever met Roberta. How could she not be here? How could she be so selfish? How could he have been so wrong about her? With those and a million more thoughts, Jack stepped up to the throwing circle.

Mr. Riley, the track and field official (and sea turtle) came over to Jack and gave him his first Hammerhead to toss. “Now Jack once that bell rings you have 60 seconds to throw it otherwise it is a fault. Let that happen twice and you double-fault and are disqualified from the competition. After your first throw, you will have two minutes before your second throw to make any adjustments. Do you understand?”

“Mmph” was the only reply Jack gave. Apparently, it was satisfactory for Mr. Riley as he shuffled off to ring the bell.

*Ring ring*

Jack could have sworn that bell could wake the dead. The big countdown clock flashed on and started counting down. It was Jack’s normal routine in the Hammerhead toss to use the full 60 seconds before making the throw. He always felt it was a waste if he didn't take all the time allotted. For today, at least on his first throw, he didn't care.

Before the clock even reached 50 seconds Jack went into the classic spin motion that Roberta had encouraged him to use and that he was most comfortable with. Unfortunately for Jack, it was also the riskiest of the methods in the Shark toss. Using this method Jack would normally spin around twice and on the third time around he would step up and let loose his shark. Spinning more than three times was just not a good idea.

Jack tried to concentrate and put Roberta out of his mind and focused on the throw. He knew his parents loved him regardless of his performance and whether he succeeded or failed he knew they would still be the same great parents at the end of the day. However, as he spun to throw on his third spin a wave of sadness came crashing violently inside of his head like a tsunami. He accidentally stepped on the stop-board, stumbled as he threw, and stepped outside the throwing circle.

  

The silent shock of the onlookers was like a cacophony to Jack making him wish he were dead and desperately hoping the next bell wouldn’t bring him back. “How could this have happened?” Jack cried aloud in his heart. It was then Jack realized he should have just quit months ago; that this whole season had been a monumental waste of his time.

Mr. Riley quickly came over to make sure Jack was okay and signaled to the other official he might need some additional time before his next throw. “Jack, oh boy Jack are you okay? That was a nasty trip. If you are hurt you are allowed an additional five minutes to recover if needed.”

Jack was silent.

“Jack? Did you hear me?” Pleaded Mr. Riley. 

Jack was in a daze. He didn’t even want to make his next throw, what was the point? He had utterly embarrassed himself on the biggest stage possible! There was nowhere he could go though. He didn’t want to be a failure in the eyes of his fellow athletes not after making it this far. His third and fourth tentacles ached but nowhere near the ache in his heart. He simply didn’t feel he had the strength or desire to get up and throw again.

"Please let me have a few minutes,” Jack said. 

“Yes of course, of course!” the old sea turtle replied. “When the buzzer rings next that will mark the end of the five minutes you will then have to head back to the throwing circle for your final toss.”

“I understand,” Jack said without emotion.

His parents looked concerned and how could he blame them? He had made a fool of himself and Octopuses everywhere! Now he had only one chance at redemption, one opportunity to salvage his dignity but he wasn't interested. His mind began to drift and he just sat staring straight ahead. He didn't know how long he had been doing that when from behind him; somewhere off in a faraway world he heard his father’s voice, “Jack, Jack! Son, come over here quickly!”

His father had climbed down to the edge of the field, as close as he possibly could to get Jack’s attention.  Snapping out of his haze Jack dejectedly walked over to where his father now stood. Only an ugly grey fishing net separated father from son.

“Jack I know you are sad that Roberta isn’t here. Neither your mother nor I know where she is, nor do we know why she chose not to show up today. I can only imagine how devastated you must be.”

Jack’s eyes began to well with tears.

“Two minutes! Two minutes before the bell!” Mr. Riley yelled from across the field

His dad continued, “Sometimes in life, you are going to be disappointed. On some occasions, it will be those closest to you that will disappoint you the most. It is great to have people who will help you during difficult times and encourage you when you are down. Yet there comes a time when there is only you, Jack” His dad’s voice thick with emotion.

“There are times when you have to find the courage to press on and fight, to compete against all odds and in the face of great adversity. Your mother and I are so proud of you Jack, no matter what happens today we are proud you are our son. Nothing will ever change that.”

“Yea Dad I know, but uh…” began Jack.

“Son, this is a time to listen, not to speak, okay,” said his father firmly.

“Okay,” Jack said out of frustration. Jack knew what his father was saying was true but it was just so hard to overcome his disappointed and heavy heart.

“Jack this is your chance, you have to search inside of yourself and throw that damn shark as far as you can.  Don’t do it for me or your mother and certainly don’t do it for Roberta. You have to reach way down deep inside your soul to your very essence and throw this shark for yourself. You are at a defining moment in your life. You can look back many years from now and realize the significance of your decision or regret your decision and blame whatever happens next on Roberta. I love you, son, now step up there and show this crowd what an Octopus is all about!” with that his Father hurried back to sit next to his Mom.

*Ring Ring*

Whether it was the last words his dad spoke to him are that awful bell, Jack couldn’t be sure. Whatever it was, Jack snapped back to reality. He now realized the truth of what his Dad had said to him. No matter what the results of this Hammerhead Shark toss would be Jack would compete for himself. Not for Roberta and not for his parents but for his pride and his future. All that mattered now was he gave his next (and last toss) everything he could. Deep down Jack now understood he wasn't a quitter. The temptation to quit is always there but following through on that idea just wasn't in his DNA, not under any circumstance. He knew now that if he gave 100% of himself at this moment, no matter what the outcome, he would have no regrets and could hold his head high. For the first time in his young life, Jack realized he was no longer a child Octopus but had grown into a man. It was time to put away his childish thinking forever and embrace his emergence as a grown Octopus.

This time Jack stepped confidently into the throwing circle, his face set like flint. His eyes were full of focus, concentration, and purpose. The onlookers begin to offer up an encouraging cheer but Jack barely hears them as he quiets his mind, grabs his shark, and prepares for his final toss. Jack patiently waits for the clock to run down to 10 seconds before he begins his first spin. His mind is clear, he feels sad for Roberta that she is going to miss this moment but that is her loss, not his. Second spin…a big smile begins creeping across Jack’s face…into his third spin and woosh…the shark leaves his tentacle. At that very moment, Jack knew he nailed it, this would be one of his best tosses ever. It wouldn't matter where he placed or if he won.  In his mind, he knew he already had won a major victory.

As his shark comes crashing down at the 75-meter mark the crowd erupts in thunderous applause. In the end, Jack will place second in the event, falling half a meter short of the eventual champion. None of that matters at this moment. He cannot believe how loud the cheers are now! 

"Jack! Jack! Jack!" the crowd roars!

It is almost deafening and Jack thinks to himself this must be the sound that awakens the living…

 

Better with Age

This is a picture of my beautiful wife and her just as beautiful Aunt Annie.  I finally had the chance to meet her in person this past week at the nursing home she is currently residing at.  There are so many things that could be written about this experience.  It is hard to know where to begin.  Aunt Annie is 97 years old (she was born in 1916 in or around Hampton, SC.)  Her maiden name is Cohen and her entire family line is from the South Carolina area.  Her ancestors worked on the plantation owned by John Lawton.  You can read more about her family and how how families may have intersected many years ago here. 

Several years ago Aunt Annie had a stroke which left her unable to walk and talk.  However, she is just as feisty as ever from what the family and doctors tell me.  She dedicated her life to serving God and up until the time she had her stroke she always helped around the church, cleaning it, praying and singing.  Even with her inability to talk there was something radiant about her lying in her bed.  Aunt Annie is a beautiful woman and I was honored to get the chance to meet her in person.

It was a real blessing for Sharlay (who hadn't seen her in a long time) to be able to introduce me as her husband.  Aunt Annie was very excited that her little Mattie married a man of God.  You don't get to be 97 years old without seeing a lot of stuff in life and despite her inability to walk or talk clearly still loves God.  We were there with Sharlay's mom as well and when Yvonne started to sing a few notes from a hymn that Annie liked she started to get very excited and you could just tell she loved to hear that sweet sound.  Then Sharlay soon joined in and I had the chance to witness three generations of Godly women singing praise to the Lord (even if Annie was doing so inside her own head) it was just a special moment that I will never soon forget.  There were three Proverbs 31 women in the same room loving on each other it was an amazing sight to behold.

Most amazing to me was that despite her forced silence Aunt Annie still commanded the respect, love and admiration of the staff at the nursing home.  Everyone just loves old Aunt Annie and none of them can hardly say her name without letting out a big smile when they talk about her.  That is some Holy Ghost power let me tell you.  To have a positive impact on someone's life when you are unable to talk really speaks to the heart, soul and fruit of the spirit that a person has in their life.  

The best part is that Aunt Annie continues to run her race and continues to fight the good fight despite her age.  What a powerful example for the rest of us when we so easily want to quit because "so and so" was rude to me or the Pastor didn't properly say hello to me.  She is truly a warrior for the Kingdom and a treasure in an earthen vessel.

A tip of the cap to you Aunt Annie, here is to another 97 years!

P.S. For those who read this and are so inclined please send up a prayer for her and also for Sharlay's cousin Tyrone is is fighting a very difficult battle with cancer (which is why we were in Liberty) that the Dr's say he is losing.  We are believing for a miraculous healing for Tyrone (who by the way served at the same church Sharlay and I were engaged in) and peace in his house.