Leave a Legacy

 "The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, 

but the things you do for others remains as your legacy" 

- Kalu Kalu

A few weekends ago Sharlay and I were in upstate New York attending the funeral for her cousin Tyrone Fields who passed away at the way too early age of 48. Tyrone had been diagnosed with cancer and despite receiving treatments it kept coming back.  Eventually there was just nothing more the doctors could do.  I know everyone (including my wife and I) were hoping for a miraculous healing.  Unfortunately, despite a ton of prayers, that never transpired.

To say I didn't know Tyrone well is to say I didn't know him at all.  The first and only time I met him was about four weeks before he passed away.  He was in good spirits and it was clear even from the short time we were there how much he loved his cousin Sharlay. It was truly an honor to meet Tyrone in-spite of the circumstances and it is a day I will never forget.

At the time of his passing, Tyrone was a minister in training at Friendship Baptist Church in Liberty, NY under the mentoring of Pastor Harry Brown, Jr.  From all accounts Tyrone loved serving God and was passionate about seeing the lost come back to Christ.

This had not always been the case and from what Sharlay and the family have shared, Tyrone made a lot of poor decisions when he was younger.  The details of those decisions I am not privy to nor are they important.  The bottom line is we all make mistakes, many of those we end up regretting and some have significant consequences to us and to others.  It is how we learn and grow from them that define us.

Tyrone did not let his past decisions determine his future.  Tyrone eventually found his way back to God and turned away from the things he had engaged in as a young man.  Regardless of how you might feel about God, Jesus or Christianity, there is no doubt that God touched Tyrone's life in a very meaningful way.  Tyrone became resolute to leave a positive legacy for his many children (and especially his sons) and the rest of his family and friends.  He had an unwavering commitment to bring the Gospel to the same men he used to run with.  He was determined to turn young men, who were following the same path he followed, away from that lifestyle.  He purposed in his life to live for the God he served and to let everyone around him know the power of God and His ability to change any life from bad to good.  He didn't hide from his past but rather used it to his advantage to reach men who might normally be out of reach.

His funeral was truly a celebration of his life and all the positive things he accomplished.  Everyone loved Tyrone.  My wife claimed it was the most fun she ever had at a funeral.  It was hard to argue the point.  As hard as Tyrone might have lived as a young man, he loved his family, friends and God even harder.  That was something that was clearly evident at his funeral.  People spoke about how he had personally changed their lives for the better.  Whether it was helping them find a job, get into school or simply encouraging them through difficult times, Tyrone was a powerfully positive force in people's lives.  What an amazing legacy to leave behind.  His legacy is a shining city on a hill and a torch to light the way for future generations of his family.

Tyrone left an enduring legacy.  His life is a testimony to the power of God and the ability of anyone to turn their life around.  It will be important that his family carries on his legacy so that Tyrone's efforts are not in vain.

We can never be certain how long we have on this earth to impart such a legacy.  Tyrone only had 48 years.  Thankfully he turned his life around before he ran out of time.  The resonating effects of that decision were powerfully evident at his funeral.

I can only hope that when I die I have left a legacy that will be celebrated like Tyrone's was.  It certainly gave me pause to reflect on my own life and the legacy I have created in my 37 years on this earth.  I hope that this blog might also make you stop and consider your own.

This blog is dedicated to the memory of, Gary Tyrone Fields (B. June 1965 D. June 2013) a man after God's own heart.

Conviction

From Merriam-Websters: 

Conviction: the act or process of finding a person guilty of a crime especially in a court of law; or a strong persuasion or belief.

For the purposes of this blog we are referring to the latter and not the former.

Conviction (or having convictions) can be a funny thing at times.  By funny of course I mean aggravating.  Then again if it was easy it wouldn't require conviction.  This is especially true when the people we care about either a) don't have the same convictions b) think a particular conviction should only apply in certain circumstances, especially when convenient for them and inconvenient for you (which of course is kind of the opposite of conviction) and/or c) think you are insane for standing by your convictions.

We all have convictions about something.  Thankfully many of these such as murder are shared by the vast majority of us.  Some of these convictions come from our personal spiritual beliefs, some from our parental upbringing and yet others simply from learning certain lessons the hard way.  [Funny side note is that sometimes a lack of conviction is from never learning that lesson despite the hard consequences that are handed out.] Truth be told there are probably a number of different sources for our convictions.  Basically I am referring to a persons own "moral code" if you will.

Those who know me well understand I have no problem (with rare exceptions) in sticking to my convictions; they also know I usually don't have any problem talking about them either.  The source of my convictions comes generally from the three areas I mentioned above (parental, spiritual and personal experience.)  My convictions have served me well my 37 years on this planet and I am not ashamed of them.  In part they have helped me achieve the success I have had both personally and professionally.  Without them I most certainly would be living a below average life right now.

To be fair (and to be honest) my convictions have cost me certain relationships with family members, close friends and girlfriends (of the ex variety).  While many of those moments were indeed sad they were also necessary breaking points in my life.  Either I would stand firm for what I believed was right (thus staying true to myself) or I wouldn't; instead allowing unsafe people (yes even family members) to have influence over my life in subtle and not so subtle ways.  Especially as a younger man I didn't always handle the communication of my feelings or beliefs in the proper manner.  Outside of that I have no regrets and will not have any going forward either.

You can read about one of my convictions in the blog entitled "Nick Offerman is Satan" I don't expect everyone (or even the majority) of people to agree with my convictions.  Truthfully I couldn't care less.  Many people, including friends whose opinions I respect a great deal (and others I don't) thought I took a relatively hard stance regarding Mr. Offerman.  Good for them.  However, I am the only person who has to live with myself 24/7 until I die (apologies to my wonderful wife who mercifully gets at least 5 days a week of not having to live with me for 8 - 12 hour increments) and I have a strong desire to stay true to myself.  No apologies.

Hopefully dear reader you understand I am not referring to a conviction that I can ONLY eat hamburgers on Thursdays and Saturdays or that under no circumstances do I leave the house before a certain time on Mondays and Wednesdays.  I am talking about things that have a certain degree of substance or has its DNA rooted at least in part on a certain moral code society in general has about things.  Drug use for instance is a GREAT example!

Look I don't have a problem if you want to use drugs (just ask my neighbors) but you better believe I will do my best to keep your drug use from having an influence on my life.  You can talk about your drug use around me if you want.  Having never used illegal drugs I won't have a great amount of input into the conversation but I will listen.  Just don't bring that shit around me, my family or my hypothetical future children.  If you want my opinion on your drug use I will give it but not unsolicited.  It is true I did fall madly in love (mostly by accident) with a woman who used drugs (i.e. lied about it very well) and that "relationship" nearly destroyed me.  You can't ever save a person who doesn't want or need to be saved but that didn't stop me from trying.

One of the more nebulous convictions I have is not wanting to be around people who are either a) ungrateful or b) take advantage of my kindness/generosity.  The longer I am on this earth the more I am learning people don't place value on being polite and showing gratitude towards others.  Certainly not as much as I do but I digress.  I don't engage in acts of kindness for the thank you's and certainly not because I feel I am earning some kind of "credit" for doing so.  Despite what some people think I really enjoy being kind and generous to people.  My closest friends know this about me.  However, I do expect a thank you or some show of gratitude.  It's called being polite.  Failure to do so is just flat out disrespectful.  Even worse when a person realizes (or are duly notified) they failed to say "thank you" or show gratitude and still decide not to bother.

Don't get me wrong.  It's not as if failure to say "thank you" one time is going to get you cast into utter darkness (cause that is what it is like if you aren't my friend, obviously!).  However, a pattern of not saying thank you and/or not acknowledging that I spent a significant amount of money to have you come to...hmmm...say...to a family function (hypothetically of course) is going to be a problem. A substantial one.  Fool me once shame on you.  Fool me twice shame on me.

What I irritates me is being asked to compromise these convictions simply because others don't share them.  Forgive me for not wanting to be around someone who uses drugs, takes advantage of me and/or might murder me.  Yes I said murder me.  The point is most people would agree it isn't the best idea to be around someone who might kill them.  However, as we get further away from that example many people have vastly different opinions on what they will and will not allow in their life.  For me drug users is included in that list.  We might still be friends but there will always be a certain distance that I will choose to keep you at.  If you happen to be a murderer as well then you can pretty much be assured we won't be going fishing anytime soon.

Hey, you want to hang out with people who might do you bodily harm, cook up some meth and then drive off with your car (and of course not say thank you!) then go right ahead.  More power to you!  I celebrate you for standing by your convictions (or lack thereof if you prefer).  However, I refuse to put myself or my family at risk (great or small) simply because someone is going to be offended or think I hate them.

Will standing by my convictions cost me future relationships?  No doubt.  Some of them will probably even be significant and close.  However, I counted the costs of my convictions a long time ago and am willing to lose unhealthy and unproductive relationships for healthy, productive and beneficial ones in the future.  I am not writing off these relationships forever; please understand that.  There have even been friends/family that came back online later after each of us learned to grow up a bit and have an adult conversation about things that occurred or happened in the past.  Yet I won't suffer ongoing abuse, risk my safety and well being "hoping" someone gets their shit together.

It's not going to happen and I won't apologize for it.  Let's end by using something Christ said in the gospels (and yes some of my convictions come from a man who wasn't afraid to put people in their place) even if to a certain degree it is taken out of context.

“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn

“‘a man against his father,
    a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
³⁶     a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’

“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10:34-37)

And since everyone just LOVES Tommy Jeff...

Better with Age

This is a picture of my beautiful wife and her just as beautiful Aunt Annie.  I finally had the chance to meet her in person this past week at the nursing home she is currently residing at.  There are so many things that could be written about this experience.  It is hard to know where to begin.  Aunt Annie is 97 years old (she was born in 1916 in or around Hampton, SC.)  Her maiden name is Cohen and her entire family line is from the South Carolina area.  Her ancestors worked on the plantation owned by John Lawton.  You can read more about her family and how how families may have intersected many years ago here. 

Several years ago Aunt Annie had a stroke which left her unable to walk and talk.  However, she is just as feisty as ever from what the family and doctors tell me.  She dedicated her life to serving God and up until the time she had her stroke she always helped around the church, cleaning it, praying and singing.  Even with her inability to talk there was something radiant about her lying in her bed.  Aunt Annie is a beautiful woman and I was honored to get the chance to meet her in person.

It was a real blessing for Sharlay (who hadn't seen her in a long time) to be able to introduce me as her husband.  Aunt Annie was very excited that her little Mattie married a man of God.  You don't get to be 97 years old without seeing a lot of stuff in life and despite her inability to walk or talk clearly still loves God.  We were there with Sharlay's mom as well and when Yvonne started to sing a few notes from a hymn that Annie liked she started to get very excited and you could just tell she loved to hear that sweet sound.  Then Sharlay soon joined in and I had the chance to witness three generations of Godly women singing praise to the Lord (even if Annie was doing so inside her own head) it was just a special moment that I will never soon forget.  There were three Proverbs 31 women in the same room loving on each other it was an amazing sight to behold.

Most amazing to me was that despite her forced silence Aunt Annie still commanded the respect, love and admiration of the staff at the nursing home.  Everyone just loves old Aunt Annie and none of them can hardly say her name without letting out a big smile when they talk about her.  That is some Holy Ghost power let me tell you.  To have a positive impact on someone's life when you are unable to talk really speaks to the heart, soul and fruit of the spirit that a person has in their life.  

The best part is that Aunt Annie continues to run her race and continues to fight the good fight despite her age.  What a powerful example for the rest of us when we so easily want to quit because "so and so" was rude to me or the Pastor didn't properly say hello to me.  She is truly a warrior for the Kingdom and a treasure in an earthen vessel.

A tip of the cap to you Aunt Annie, here is to another 97 years!

P.S. For those who read this and are so inclined please send up a prayer for her and also for Sharlay's cousin Tyrone is is fighting a very difficult battle with cancer (which is why we were in Liberty) that the Dr's say he is losing.  We are believing for a miraculous healing for Tyrone (who by the way served at the same church Sharlay and I were engaged in) and peace in his house.