My mother is by far the most thoughtful person I know. Everyday I lived with my parents she made an effort to be and do thoughtful things for me. Obviously she isn't perfect so some days she was more successful than others. Yet I am sure there were days when it didn't appear to me that she was being thoughtful and yet probably was. That is the thing about being a thoughtful person, you make choices for the betterment of others and often they simply never know because you don't decide to be selfish. Often times it is only when we choose selfishly that people stand up and take notice.
Even now as a 37 year old man my mom still is constantly trying to be thoughtful towards me. I still receive care packages periodically from her (it would be more often if I hadn't insisted I don't have the room for frequent packages!) Likewise, if it were up to her I would still get an Easter basket sent to my house every year with straw, eggs, and the whole nine yards.
It is from her example that I learned to be thoughtful towards others. Those of you reading this who don't think I have a thoughtful bone in my body either don't know me well enough or simply have misjudged me. Those closest to me (granted they are few in number) are all very well familiar with my thoughtful nature. Granted I can be very direct and come across bluntly but 90% of the time I don't realize how blunt it comes out and am never trying to be hurtful. I am only thoughtful to a select few people in my life and this is because: a) it can be exhausting, b) emotionally draining and c) time consuming. However, I rarely withhold my thoughtfulness if an opportunity arises. For instance, several years ago someone I know posted on Facebook how they can never find a particular kind of peanut butter in New York.. It just happened that I was somewhere and saw that kind of peanut butter and purchased her a jar. I later gave it to her at church and while it seemed weird to be doing it, it also felt perfectly normal to me. There was no other motivation other than to do something thoughtful.
In addition to my mom, I have a few friends (four to be exact) who are the only other truly thoughtful people I know. We are a rare breed and if you have a person who qualifies as thoughtful you should do whatever you can to make sure they stay in your life because you likely won't find another one.
Personal Note - this is a personal blog so if anyone reading this is offended or upset because I am putting my business out there you should just get over it or stop reading this now. There is a reason people have a personal blog and it sometimes is so they can bitch about stuff through writing. While it is true I don't have to share my blogging with anyone it is still my right to do so and I choose to fully exercise that right. So be offended if you want to. Oh by the way you can also kiss my pasty white ass while you are at it. See? Very considerate!
Over the last few years it has been a real struggle for me in this area, especially recently. When you have a certain degree of thoughtfulness it can become very difficult to love those who aren't as thoughtful or considerate. It often boggles my mind that people somehow never understand how their actions affect other people (i.e. inconvenience other people.) Sometimes no matter how many times you have this conversation with them nothing ever changes.
Sure they might go a few weeks or a month not being inconsiderate (this is not the same thing as being considerate in case you were curious) but eventually they will "relapse" and you end up back at square one. When you work so hard to be thoughtful towards a particular person or persons every day it will completely mess you up when they are incapable of returning the favor even just one time.
I don't understand how someone can claim to care about you but then not give a shit (literally no shits given) to how their actions will affect you and your life. Afterwards you often don't even get an "I am sorry." Even if you do, those words will ring hollow because experience will tell you when people are truly sorry they make efforts not to engage in the same kind of behavior. Yet, you can mark it on your calendar the U.S.S. Inconsiderate will be docking in your harbor (again) within the next 30 - 45 days.
Rarely is it a different issue either! Most of the time it is the same inconsiderate or thoughtless behavior as on previous occasions and yet the offender acts like this is new territory they are discovering. "What do you mean it is the same thing as before? Last time it was a Tuesday, this time it was a Friday!" "Last time it was pot, not crack!", "This time I was only stumbling drunk not black out drunk!", "Last time we had sex, this time we only kissed!"
Basically you end up totally wasting your time trying to work through these issues because they will just never understand it and are incapable of changing. How do you know this? Because when they talk to their friends about why you are upset, they give reasons that you never mentioned! Inconceivable! Or worse yet they profess that you aren't even upset (when they should know damn well you are upset) about whatever it was that happened! Inconceivable!
It leaves a person totally drained. The only real option you have is to give up and come to terms with the fact those people will just never change. They might be able to avoid being inconsiderate for periods of times but just like a dope fiend eventually finds another needle they will once again run you down like a steamroller. But hey, at least this time it wasn't a bulldozer, so you should just be okay with it.
-Andrew-
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